did you get engaged???
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
