Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
