you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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