I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
