Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
