I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
last night I used snow as a chaser
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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