I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
