Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
