there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
