I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
