i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
