i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
