Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
