when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
