we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Randomize
