We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
