There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
