Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
