Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
oh god was she eating orange peels again
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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