god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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