Your mouth is God's brothel.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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