i don't like sucking hair
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
She needs sedatives and a leash
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
