so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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