i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
