I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
