I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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