It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
My liver is preforming stress tests.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
If I had your ass I would rule the world
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
