I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
