You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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