I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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