The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I'm passing your future prison.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Randomize
