Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
