If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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