I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
