You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
