Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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