all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
