someone threw a dead crab at me
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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