I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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