I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
