Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
