Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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