my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
