make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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