well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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