I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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