I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
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