I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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