How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
