It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
