Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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