just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Randomize
