he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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