Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
There's always time for handjobs
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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