am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
