Dual....:-)
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
