Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I licked your asshole in confidence.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
